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Random Fact 13: I pick the title of my blogs from things I hear while typing them. They don't really mean anything.

I'll warn everyone now: This is pretty much a rant blog about Lowes and working in customer service. I'm getting pretty sick of all the customers who wonder in and treat the employees like they own them or they don't matter. Fuck you. Here are some examples from the best customer hater ever.

The next customer that comes up to me with an item that doesn't have a barcode and says, "I think it was $7.99 or something like that," will get slapped. Do you know how many things in this store are $7.99? Do you think I can REALLY just type $7.99 into my register and make that item magically appear on my screen and on your receipt? It doesn't work that way ass-hat. Next time, just check the freakin' item for a barcod and don't hold up my damn line.
Or the customer that sets the money one the counter instead of in my hand. Is there something wrong with my hand? Does it really take that much effort to put a piece of paper in my already open hand? Didn't think so. I'm just going to stare at the next fucker that pulls that with my hand out. You want me to ring up that $.23 in change? Then don't put it on the fucking counter.If you do, be ready to have me drop every penny on the ground so you get to feel how disrespectful it is.
Jerk ass number 3. The person that brings up an item and argues with me about the price because they read the wrong tag on the shelf. It is not my fault you cannot read. Don't yell at me for something could have fixed by paying more attention. And don't think that by yelling at me the price will change. It doesn't, so fuck off.
Another GREAT customer is the one that has one bag of stuff - usually something small and light like screws or light bulbs - and feels they need to take the cart out of the store. How fucking lazy. I realize it is someone's job in our store to go get those carts, but think about it. They have to go out in all kinds of weather, whether it be 100 degrees or -20. You wouldn't want to do that for someone who only bought light bulbs would you? Didn't think so.
And for the love of God leave your children at home. When they run around the store and knock shit over, we have to deal with it. Not you. And when they cry and fight and scream in our check out line, I know I'm not the only one that wishes you would get hit my a Mack truck. The rest of the customers in line are thinking the same thing. Do us all a fever and tie your tubes right now so we don't have to endure any more of your whining offspring.
GET OFF YOU FUCKING PHONE AT THE CHECKOUT. That about sums that one up.

That covers must of the customers that come into the store. The customers that call can be even worse.
If you decide to call our store to find out if something is in stock, you better have the item or model number ready to go because we are not your personal shoppers. My goal in life is not to hunt down that particular ceiling fan you've always wanted. It's not even my fucking job. Get off your ass and come look for that stuff on your own. If it's REALLY the thing you desperately need you're going to want to buy it, and you need to do that IN THE STORE.
Another caller that needs to be held down and beaten is the one who calls to check on an order and gets angry with me, a cashier, because their items aren't in yet. Let me repeat that I am only a cashier. I am not a manufacturer. I am not a vendor. I am not the person that drives the truck that the merchandise comes in on. I have no control what so ever on when your item gets to you or to our store. For fuck's sake, what do these people expect?!

So I hope this helps you, dear readers. Avoid all of these things at any store where a cashier/customer service associate is the one helping you, because you never know when we'll snap, and you do not want to be that guy.

In other news, I love you, Shaun.